GET MESSY

I was standing in line recently at a checkout and found myself glancing over the covers of magazines on display. I felt a twinge of discomfort, a scurrying flutter of panic, that got my attention. I focused, returning my gaze to the cover that had elicited this involuntary response in me. I came face to face with an adult coloring book.

Hmmm..

So why this reaction?

I love art.

I love color.

I love being creative.

So why this reaction?

As I examined this feeling, I realized that in the past, I’ve chalked it up to my inability, or more accurately, my aversion, to sitting still for long periods doing things that feel to me like a waste of time… watching T.V., a movie, or in this example, coloring, all fit in that category. Yet, I have spent countless hours of my life reading books, magazines, and online articles, walking with music or a podcast playing in my earbuds, writing, organizing photos and files. So why does coloring make me uncomfortable?

Is it an activity I consider frivolous or pointless? Yes, partly. But I think there’s a deeper-seated reason for the aversion. And as I stand in line for what was only a matter of minutes, I experience an ah-ha moment of clarity. The answer falls across my conscious, inquiring thoughts and seem so obvious.

This realization may be due in part to all the self-discovery and soul searching I’ve been doing over the last few years. I am getting to know and understand myself better. Uncovering new pockets of pain or pleasure, which gives me a chance to dig in and figure out what makes me tick. Something I strongly encourage everyone to do. It doesn’t have to be complicated. It’s actually more effective if you keep it simple or else you’ll try to avoid it, just like leg day at the gym or doing laundry. Instead, be aware to catch these little reactions or thoughts and give them a minute or two under your mental magnifying glass.

As I do this examination in the checkout line that day, I am surprised to realize a sense of relief to finally understand this phenomenon that has intrigued me at times and left me a bit confused most times.

And here’s my revelation..

Coloring, it seems, symbolizes living a life ‘inside the lines’. This is the principal that has me shying away and a bit anxious about participating in an activity meant to relax. It’s a subtle standard of conformity that I feel a resistance towards. I like living where I am free to go outside the lines, to step across and see, taste, smell, touch what’s there.

Adventure.

Learning.

Blaze new paths.

Experience and grow.

These stretches can be painful or difficult at times, but full of sensations and wonder, opportunities to expand and lead.

I question the lines.

WHO DECIDED THEY SHOULD BE PLACED WHERE THEY ARE?

WHY?

WHY ARE THEY DRAWN IN BLACK?

WHY ARE SO MANY SHEEPLE* CONTENT TO LIVE INSIDE THOSE LINES ALL THE TIME?

Others do appear to find comfort and security there. And that’s ok.

But for me, I’ll be living outside them whenever I’m tempted to see what’s on the other side.

Yes, this can get MESSY.

I’m willing to take that risk. It has usually paid off in the end. Sometimes with a harsh lesson, but those lessons are still valuable.

I recently heard a Brene Brown podcast, with Glennon Doyle as her guest, discussing Glennon’s book “Untamed”. I highly recommend it. The podcast and the book. There is a story shared, one of Glennon’s personal experiences that gave her great insight. It’s about a cheetah. The message really hit me hard and resonated with me in a way I hadn’t considered before. Please promise to listen to that story and really listen. Then send me a message on my social, email, or comment on this post to let me know how it affected you.

On that note, I’ll leave you with a quote I love..

NEVER LOSE YOUR SENSE OF WANDER!!

I LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING YOU IN THE WILDERNESS!

xo Deena

(*the term I use for those people who are always unquestioning sheep)