Does January bring you down? Every. Damn. Year?

Everyone is talking about resolutions & goals, but you’re feeling like a colossal failure just thinking of how last year went.
You didn’t accomplish what you wanted to. You gained weight, wasted money & time, drank too much, (insert all the failures you’re beating yourself up about).
You feel pressured to declare your resolutions, but already know you’ll break most of them .. again..

So what does this have to do with vampires? Quite likely there are vampires, energy vampires, in your world that need to be banished before you can find success & peace. 

How can you find these vampires? Look around you. They’re lurking everywhere. Let’s start close to you & ask “Who should be in your crew?”. It might not be who you think…

What about the people you encounter who challenge you, make you question your situation, your choices, your life, or maybe even irritate you at times? Some might be vampires, but some might be your best cheerleaders!

Your obvious ‘crew’ are people you most want to spend time with, the ones who love and support you. Not surprisingly, that list doesn’t always include your family, it's not always your friends – it’s quite possibly a variety of people that have come into your life, crossing your path when you needed them, or they needed you. It’s the ones that aligned with you, that you felt completely comfortable with – enough to let down your guard and be ‘yourself’. It might have been how they spoke, how they treated you, similar interests you shared, or how they lived their life that resonated with you.

But what about the people we meet that we know we wouldn’t have even liked at a different stage of our life; people we wouldn't have wanted to be around? When these kind of people show up, and they are a fit, even for a short time, we can easily miss the chance to connect because we can’t see past our preconceived opinions and judgements. I have found that it’s best just to roll with it and see what happens, instead of getting hung up on ‘why’ they are the ones that crossed our path. Be careful not to judge these as vampires, unless they prove they are. They may be there to challenge you to greater things.

There’s a verse from an unknown author that was shared with me years ago and really stuck with me – I’ll share it, below. It talks about why some people are only with us for a season or a reason. I have found that seeing these situations through this filter helps me accept that those encounters had a purpose. I may not understand at the time, or ever, but that's okay. We don't need to feel disappointment or guilt or failure if that season is shorter than we had expected it would be. We may have hoped it would have a different vibe, or a deeper connection, or some other purpose – sometimes that needs to be examined and sometimes just accepted.

We don't see the full picture of our life’s path. Consider how you feel when you watch a movie and can see the plot unwinding, but the characters can only see where they are in the story. You wish they would do this or that differently, but you have to watch (& sometimes cringe..) as they make decisions and take actions according to the information they have access to. You, in your privileged position, can see what is obvious to you, but you have to watch them try to figure it out, and that can be frustrating. I often think that is how the universe feels as it tries to help us and we miss all the signs!

So, how can you tell where the energy vampires are in your life? What are the signs?

Start by considering
>what people or situations you dread encountering<

Now, let’s examine the “Why”?

• Do they make you feel like a failure by criticizing you, or is it because you compare yourself to them & feel inadequate?

• Are they showing up most days with a shitty attitude, ranting & whining, and dumping their negative crap in your space?

• Do you feel used & manipulated when you’re around them, yet never good enough?

• Are you drained & confused trying to rationalize their words & actions, doubting your own perceptions & reality?

• Do they act frustrated & angry that you aren’t meeting some expectation you haven’t figured out yet?

• Are you left with a hangover of hopelessness, doom & gloom after these encounters?

• Does knowing you can’t avoid them fill you with anxiety?

• Are there huge elephants in the room; things you’re afraid to speak of?

• Do you walk on eggshells, never knowing what will tip the scales to set them off?

• Have you lost trust in yourself & your voice? 

These signs, any single one, points to a toxic environment – one that sucks the life out of your positive energy and poisons your peace.

Time for some boundaries! Time to protect yourself & your sanity.

How? Do whatever you would tell your best friend to do if they experience anything like these examples. If you’re any kind of friend, you’d tell them to do whatever they could to put a stop to it! It’s easier to give others advice, and it’s usually also our best advice. Try taking it yourself! If this scares the shit out of you, share what you’re facing with a trusted friend. Hearing their advice might allow you to give yourself permission to make some healthy changes.

What if the situation isn’t as toxic as the signs mentioned above? How do you decide that a relationship or connection is valuable enough, important enough, to sort out? And when is it best to walk away and not put any more energy into it? Maybe that season is over. Only you can decide how to do this without compromising your own values and worth.

It can be tricky, most especially if it is with a family member or someone that we have been close to. But people change, people grow, including ourselves, and there comes a time that we may grow in different directions. It's not necessarily that one direction is right and the other one is wrong. These are just different directions. We evolve. Think of who you were 5 or 10 years ago, even 20! You were quite a different person. Your core may be similar in some ways, but you've learned to listen to yourself, to understand who you are, and what makes you tick, what makes you happy, what boundaries you've needed to incorporate so that you can avoid anxiety or tension.

From the other side of these situations, we need to allow others to exit gracefully when they feel they’ve outgrown our relationship, when the season is over and it's time to move on. That might be the first indication we have that we weren't fitting anymore. Maybe we were in denial, and it's taken that other person to recognize and follow their true path, to move out of the proximity of us before we realize things weren’t working as well anymore.

When someone needs to move on from a connection, it usually shows there's been a change, or a growth, or a need that is different now. We may not agree, but fighting it will only destroy any chance of maintaining some form of connection, if we value that connection. Can we practice honoring, respecting, and supporting others the way we’d want to be supported if we were the one making the decision to move on? The more graciously we do it, the less guilt and resentment and frustration and pain there will be for everyone involved.

Once you focus on healthy connections, with mutual caring and respect, you’ll start to recognize how unbalanced some of the other relationships have become (and maybe always were). You will be even more aware of the vampires that need to be banished so you have the energy for the people and goals that light your soul. Then, when January rolls around again, you can look back with relief & gratitude that you cleared out so much toxic crap and set the boundaries you needed to protect your health & sanity. Your future self will be so damn proud of you!

xo Deena

Here’s the verse I mentioned earlier:

People Come Into Your Life for a Reason, a Season or a Lifetime.

When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty; to provide you with guidance and support; to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.

Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

- Unknown