🙋‍♀️ Where are my Over-Givers & People-Pleasers?

How exhausted are you? 🥱

Frustrated?

Resentful?

Does your to-do list keep getting longer & your days shorter?

Are you trying to be everything for everybody & not drop any balls?

Does the thought of taking some ‘me time’ fill you with guilt?

Well, I’m happy to tell you that there is a better way.

There is a place to escape!

There is a space to find freedom > freedom to breathe, freedom to relax, freedom to BE. Just to be - You.

Do you remember who you are?

In this place you can set down your multiple identities, step out of all those shoes that you’re trying to fill, drop the numerous roles you play and step in front of the mirror to get reacquainted with You again.

Does that scare you a little? Or a LOT?

Do you wonder if you will have any value if you aren’t all the things?

Are you afraid you won’t recognize or like the You you’ll find as you stand naked in front of that mirror?

When was the last time you thought about the hopes and dreams you had for your life?

How many of those have become reality?

Are you willing to give up on them or can you still smell the tantalizing aroma & taste the sweet flavor of their temptation?

What’s the worst that could happen if you revisited those dreams?

Is there some way you could bring an element of them into your daily life right now?

Have you shared them with your nearest and dearest?

I’m willing to bet most of them would support you if they understood how much reaching those dreams would fill your soul.

So, you’d like to know more about this place of freedom.

It’s a place that you can move to anytime. It has plenty of real estate available. But it takes some courage and practice to find it and really get comfortable. Eventually you will feel at home there and will want to stay permanently!

You’ve likely heard rumors of this mythical, mystical land and have had encounters with some of its residents. They’re easy to spot and very entertaining to spend time with. There’s just something so utterly refreshing about these citizens, something that is so authentic. You know you’ve met one when you hear them speak and encounter their attitude for the first time. Because they don’t quite fit in with the rest of polite society. You’ll be taken aback, a little (or a lot) shocked, and not quite sure how to interpret them. Then you will gradually begin to understand that you’re experiencing what freedom looks like. What it’s like to witness someone giving zero fucks about what others think of them. You want that freedom too. They act and speak from a place of authenticity. That place is the Zero Fucks Given Zone (#ZFG).

And that, my friend, is the land of freedom! I’ll be honest, traveling there can be extremely uncomfortable and awkward at first. You will feel like a tourist on foreign territory trying to navigate using a very outdated map with a lifetime of instructions and programming that create an obstacle course.

People will have to get used to seeing you ‘naked’, without all the personalities, shoes and roles you were using to dress & define yourself. Your filters will come off, along with the masks you were hiding behind. Some will accuse you of losing your sanity.

You will feel a little disoriented in this new role as ‘You’. It may be hard to trust yourself enough to let it all hang out. You’re so used to gauging and tempering your words and actions against the judgement and reaction of everyone else. You’ve been taught and programmed and punished and molded to Be a certain way - often dependent on the environment you are in. The person you are in school is somewhat different than the office person, the family person, the party person, (insert all the persons you’ve played). It’s no wonder you’re exhausted and disengaged and have lost touch with the real You. But once you’re operating from the ZFG zone, you only need to be one person, YOU!, no matter where you are.

Are you curious to explore the ZFG zone? Take it for a little test drive? Go ahead! You have nothing to lose but a bucket of fucks that have been holding you hostage. Say what? Hadn’t considered that before? Well, let’s see if I can explain it better… how much do you actually care what someone will think if, for example, you say ‘no’ to something that you really don’t want to do? Let’s draw a scenario.. something not too heavy. Let’s take this slowly so it’s not too scary. What if you were invited to a clothing party at a friend-of-a-friend’s house? The friend who invited you doesn’t want to show up there alone (and also gets an extra door prize entry if she brings someone to the party) so she invited you. You think the clothes they’re selling are fugly and way over-priced and you are really hoping they have some cheap socks or a scarf you could buy for your Great Great Grama’s birthday gift, cuz you know you’ll be expected to buy something at the party or it’s just plain rude. So.. What to do? Here’s a thought! How would it feel to say ‘no not interested, thanks anyway’?! I’m willing to bet it would feel like freedom. Will you be overwhelmed with guilt for not doing this for your friend? Will you feel like a total asshole if you don’t go? Compare that to how you’ll feel if you do go?

In other words, how much do you give a fuck about what others think compared to how you feel compromising your own freedom and happiness?

In the ZFG zone, you will find the freedom to choose You first. You won’t feel like you owe anyone anything. You won’t feel the need to play any role or be anything but You. You won’t be constantly weighing the odds of ‘what to do?’ to keep everyone else happy. You’ll get comfortable listening to your instincts, making choices and reacting spontaneously from a place of authenticity.

And you’ll give zero fucks about what anyone else thinks about it. Cuz you know what? You’ll now be one of those fun citizens that others admire and want to be like. Someone they can trust will be straight up with them. Someone who’s got the balls to speak their mind, dance to their own drum, be damned with the haters.

Test it out! Take your time. It’s not for the faint of heart. It’s ongoing. An inside job that starts with baby steps - usually 1 forward, 3 sideways and a couple backwards, crawl again, plop down and sit on your butt awhile, then back on your feet. But you can do this! There will be many to welcome you to the ZFG zone when you find your way. And they will be worthy of your time and energy, enough to replace any that want to hold you back, lost within all those roles that made them feel more comfortable.

Ok, so we agree this makes sense. It sounds like a relief to let go of that heavy fuck bucket, but where can you start?

>> Start by noticing when you feel like you’re acting a part and wishing you didn’t have to. Pause and consider what you’d do differently if you were honest with yourself. <<

Even if you don’t change the way you act in that moment, you’ve now started to recognize how it feels when you’re giving a fuck that doesn’t need to be given. The next time you feel like you’re acting, maybe try doing what feels like freedom instead and see what happens. How bad was it? How did that freedom taste? Can you live with the consequences? How good did it feel to BE YOU?!!

If you’re anything like me, you’ll start to recognize when you’re giving unnecessary fucks, but you have been an over-giving people-pleaser for so long that you’ve lost touch with your genuine self. It will take some effort to dig down and figure out what feels like freedom and authenticity so you can choose that instead. That’s when you toss the fuck bucket over the fence, grab your “I don’t owe anyone” umbrella to repel the hater rain and dance your way to the ZFG zone!

I’ll meet You there! And we’ll celebrate our freedom to BE!

xo Deena

p.s. if you want help getting on the right path, check out this page for a FREE copy of my “Make It Happen!!” guidebook and contact me to learn more about how we can work together to get you to the ZFG zone!