The Top 2 Things Women Can Do to Build Confidence

Confidence doesn’t come easily for many women. Society in general pushes us back, even as it spouts out female empowerment slogans and campaigns. It’s a “Society: be yourself. Society: no, not like that.” insanity that knocks us around, confusing, and deceptive, as it continues to make false promises about supporting us in our yearning for equilibrium & equality.

So, what can you do to build confidence as a woman in a culture that doesn’t genuinely support your efforts?

My answer comes from a question I was recently asked about tattoos! Keep reading to hear what I believe are the top 2 things to do to have success in your quest to build confidence.

Tattoos.. they all have a story to tell.

Someone just shared a story of her and her husband’s latest tattoos, along with the inspiration and meaning behind them. She asked what my next tattoo would be…

Hmmm, I hadn’t actually been considering another one, but after hearing their story, I was surprised to have an answer to that – and it came to me quickly.

Both of them had chosen words, not pictures, for their tattoos. These words or phrases are now daily reminders for them of something that gives them inspiration, courage & hope. Maybe that’s why my first thought was along the same lines.

The word came to me almost instantly. I tried to brush it aside and think of something more elegant or profound, but it was persistent. So, I rolled it around in my mind and realized it was just the right word after all. I bet you’re wondering what it is.

Enough. Just that. Enough. One little word. But it packs a solid wallop of potent power – at least for me.

And here’s the 2 reasons why I chose “Enough” – aka “The Top 2 Things Women Can Do to Build Confidence”:

1. I AM ENOUGH.

Most of us struggle with this concept to some degree. I venture to guess it’s more prevalent in women. For generations, we have been considered the weaker sex, of lesser value and not as capable. Then many of us also found ourselves in abusive power-over situations, whether personally, professionally, community, or all of the above. We struggle with guilt – never feeling we have adequately completed the never-ending list of demands placed on us. Even our inner critic repeatedly reminds us that we aren’t smart enough, sexy enough, young enough, talented enough, rich enough.. you know the rest – it’s a painfully familiar rant of accusations to push us down, keep us in our place in society.

Well, in case you haven’t noticed – there’s a revolution happening again, another generation of women taking this to the next level. They’re shaking off the stereotypes and labels that keep women playing small and quiet, no longer accepting the boxes we’ve been assigned that cramp our growth and limit our visibility. We are rising above these dark archaic confines with confidence, lifting each other up, acknowledging our worth, and expecting more. We are ENOUGH! Just as we are. Enough to deserve respect, love, and appreciation - value. Right where we are at this very moment – that is enough. No guilt. No shame. We can lean into the reassurance of that, no longer straining and striving to be more in order to earn or deserve a place of value. We are already enough. Repeat after me “I. AM. ENOUGH.”

Let’s make our daughters, nieces, and granddaughters proud – creating a culture that makes it easier for them to know their worth and build their confidence as women, knowing & accepting that they are enough.

Sadly, it’s important to note that some women are the worst abusers of other women – they need to beat others down to feel better about themselves. Don’t be intimidated by their petty ignorance – own your worth, walk your walk, speak your truth, shoulders back, boobs out, head high, radiant smile, gorgeous glow, strength & confidence – that’s your armor; knowing you don’t need to belittle anyone else to feel better about yourself. (More on this in my blog post “Signs it’s Time for a HARD NO”).

Aaand that takes us to my #2 reason for choosing “Enough”:

2.       ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. (Period. Full stop.)

Boundaries. Damn. They’re tricky. But until we admit there are places in our lives that we need them, we will keep on struggling to build our confidence.

As soon as I mentioned boundaries, I bet at least one person or situation came to mind for you. Some area that is bugging you - that you keep ignoring. Something that makes you feel uneasy, awkward, taken advantage of.. you know what I mean. Maybe there are several examples of this going on for you.

The second ENOUGH is exactly that. “Enough already!” “I have a boundary for that” – for how I am treated / spoken to / valued.

First, it’s absolutely essential that YOU are treating YOURSELF with respect, valuing your own worth – acknowledging that YOU ARE ENOUGH – EXACTLY as YOU ARE right now! If you’re like the rest of us, you more than likely will need to set some boundaries with your inner critic too.. (for some help with that check out my blog post “Bitch or Bestie?” for 3 steps to help you handle your inner bully). Practice building your confidence as you face the biggest, cruelest bully of all, the one that knows you & your vulnerabilities best - attacking you where it hurts the most – that inner bitch. Read the article to learn how to turn her into your BFF. After all, she’s the only one you’ll spend your entire life with – why not be best friends? Once you have her on your side, you’ll be unstoppable!

These 2 tips tie together beautifully, like chocolate & peanut butter! – setting boundaries comes easier when you’ve acknowledged your worth. As you gain strength & confidence behind your healthy boundaries, your sense of self, and self-worth, also grows, and you realize you are enough for those who honor your boundaries (including your own inner critic). Once you experience genuine acceptance, respect and love - the support of those who value you, you will want to remove anything that doesn’t align with that. Yes, this can be difficult & uncomfortable to navigate. But you’ve come this far, don’t stop now! You owe it to yourself! You deserve it!

Take your time.
Celebrate each win big or small.
Celebrate doing anything that gives you more room to stretch your wings and breathe.
Do what feels like freedom.
Ask yourself what you WANT to do, whenever you hear ‘should’.

>>> Above all else, TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS.

As you practice “Enough” in both these ways, you will build your confidence as a woman, projecting your worth to the world and setting boundaries to ward off anyone or anything that doesn’t value what you have to offer.

You’ve got this sister! I’m rooting for you. We’re all rooting for you!
You inspire me and you inspire others, even if you hadn’t realized it!
Thank you for being your amazing self 💖

You are enough. You are more than enough. Wrap yourself in that.

xo Deena

P.S. Oh! And I’m curious! What would your next tattoo be?